I find myself eclipsed in my own shadow

When I started this blog last year (you know, before I started posting cute pictures of animals instead of content), I was on point. I was so witty. I don't know if it was because I was working with better material or what... but hats off to me. I was pretty amazing at this. After today (and this post), I am raising the bar as high as my Christmas Raccoon or my very first post about Billy-Bear's 4 Kids.

But right now, I am settling for mediocre funny. Don't look for gems here. I'm still mining them. You're looking at those cheap crystals they put in the watches that come from the claw machines. They sparkle a little, but we all know you only spent 25 cents on it.

So. Here's the topic I am tackling today with a little luster: Holiday Themed Soda. Now, we all know (or at least us soda historians do) that Pepsi Holiday Spice was the first soda to throw down the jolly gauntlet years ago. After Pepsi decided to discontinue that wonderful product, there was a real void left in the season.

That void was filled with Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. It was a conservative drink at first - showing up mysteriously in November. Its packaging didn't look particularly Christmasy. But then it followed with hip advertising, letting us know what it was doing here. I can't find the words to say how much I really love this drink. It's something special and it was something unique on the market. It's done really well for itself - managing to make a return every Christmas season. This success has opened up the market for the holiday soda. On your local grocer's shelves this year you will find 7-up Pomegranate and Canada Dry Cranberry Ginger Ale.

Pomegranate tells me three times on its "NATURAL" derived from "NATURALLY" derived "NATURAL" ingredients. It must be pretty natural. Tastes that way too. It's pretty subtle, I think. You can definitely taste the 7-up under there. Very unlike our hero, C-Splash, which is dominated by its fruit namesake. I don't know if I find anything Christmasy about it, however. I mean... Oceanspray has already unofficially officially proclaimed cranberries to be the fruit of the holidays. Who does Pomegranate think it is?

Speaking of Cranberries... let's not forget Canada Dry. It, too, is a vary subtle drink. It's just barely not normal ginger ale. I really expected more from it. But then again.. they did just keep their normal bottle. I wouldn't be shocked if it is a normal bottle of Ginger Ale with dye added and the label changed. I think in a blind taste test I wouldn't be able to pick it out from the normal. Maybe I am not a ginger ale connoisseur. I'm not a connoisseur of much of anything other than coffee and Christmas. Now a Christmas coffee review.. that's a subject I can get behind.

So ladies and gentlemen.. there you have it. Cranberry Splash is still the number one soda of the holidays, but not the number one drink. I think that title has to go to Eggnog, which is unfair... because it is also the number one reason for heart failure in the Holidays and number one drinkable pudding of the the Holidays. I wanted to buy eggnog, but it is shockingly expensive. A quart from Mayfield? $3.98. I won't even drink half of the damn thing. If I did, I wouldn't make it to Christmas...

SPEAKING OF

32
days
until
CHRISTMAS

Working my way back into blogging...

While waiting for my tires to be changed at Walmart, I took the time to slowly carouse the Christmas department and really ask myself if any of it was reviewable. We've got the standard things you expect in a Walmart Christmas department in the south...

1. Nascar ornaments
2. A whole John Deere Section
3. Titans Ornaments
4. Vols Ornaments
5. Hunter Santa

And, then, somehow there are the things I don't expect.

There is nothing spectacular on surface level about this selection of gift bags. They are actually our cheapest ones. They are made of a brown paper that is only a step or two up from your typical lunch sack.

But somehow, I find them to be incredibly beautiful and incredibly Christmas-y.






This may be my favorite one. Just look at nature communing as one in the name of Christmas. I love the earthiness of this bag. Although.. on a humorous note, I have to say that what I like most about it is that all of the animals in it look ashamed or pissed. Check out that deer and his far away stare. He's thinking - I better get an extra itouch for letting these damn birds climb all over me (is that what deer dream of? I haven't read a deer amazon wish list). That white bunny is sadly looking down at his paws as though he stole his winter accessories from the body of a frozen rabbit, less lucky than he.




So if you get a present from me.. you might get it inside of these bags. If I don't start getting more hours at the wonderful walmart.. your present may be one of these bags. Sorry. But at least if you get the reviewed bag- I will include with it a short story explaining what lead to this animal snapshot and all that happened post. I may do that anyway.

Coming up... A review of a disturbing new toy I uncovered: The Puptini.

SO ... a mere...

33 days
TIL CHRISTMAS

Maybe this christmas...

My hopes are to write a really long and thoughtful Christmas blog later today. We'll see. For now, I am digging on one of my new favorite Christmas songs "Maybe this Christmas" by Ron Sexsmith.

Maybe this Christmas will mean something more
Maybe this year love will appear
Deeper than ever before
And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call
Someone we love
Someone we’ve lost
For reasons we can’t quite recall
Mmm, maybe this Christmas

Maybe there’ll be an open door
Maybe the star that shined before
Will shine once more, ohhh

And maybe this Christmas will find us at last
In heaven, at peace
Grateful at least
For the love we’ve been shown in the past
Maybe this Christmas
Maybe this Christmas"

It's a really spectacular song. I can't find youtube links of it, or I would totally be linking this thing up. At Kohls yesterday, they had Christmas music playing already! And the annual 5 dollar Kohls cares for Kids Christmas benefit cd. This year it's a country Christmas. Not nearly as good as last years featuring Jason Mraz's "Winter Wonderland" and Guster's fantastic "Donde Esta Santa Claus?"

44 days until Christmas!
(44 is my lucky number!)

Christmas photoshoot!

Merry Christmas!
48 days until christmas (still!)

It's Christmas time at Walmart

And you know what that means. We're rolling out the jolly like we're rolling back prices. Cha-ching! (for instance, that beauty to your left is $12 even baby... what a steal!) When you walk into the store, we're already assaulting you with a gigantic sign that directs you to our "Christmas Shop." Even our sales sheet is covered in red and green already. Don't you just love it? When it comes to Christmas, Walmart isn't screwing around. It's our commercial cash cow. We'll be getting bonuses from this for months. Well, maybe not we... maybe more like the corporate big-wigs. I'm a little wig. Maybe they will pay me for writing about our merchandise? I should propose this at the next afternoon meeting where they make us do the "walmart cheer" in the middle of the store - which has only three purposes:
1. to embarrass its employees
2. to somehow make us a team? (i.e. make us quit)
3. to make us kill ourselves

...That's not so jolly. Anywho! Back to jolly-times.

Now, I think I hyped our Christmas preparedness a little too much. We're not quite ready. We're at about 65% or so. Maybe even 60%. We're missing all of the lights and bigger displays, but the ornaments are out in force. Every year we have a particular set of ornaments I just love; last year it was our "natural" ornaments made out of real wood and acorns... this year is less earthy but without disappointment!

Here they are. A little simple. But I just love how its the basic Christmas "stuff" - we've got our red, green, and no fooling around. But I'm not going to lie... it is one particular ornament that got my eye --->

Something about this little tree.. held together by strings.. I don't know. It tugs at my heart strings! Is that redundant? This is my first blog in a while, have to learn wordplay again.

At Walmart, we know what screams Christmas -- and what poops it. That's right. This year we are offering a wide variety of animals that for some reason poop candy, a perfect stocking stuffer for every kid that thinks pooping is funny (which is EVERY kid):



1. What an upset Reindeer. He knows he shouldn't be pooping out candy while he's supposed to be on the job pulling Santa's sleigh. Don't worry buddy. When Santa retires you into glue, you'll be used to hold together toys.
2. You want poop? We got all kinds of animals that we can make vaguely Christmas. Look at that green monkey in the back? The red cow taking our foreground? He's even pooping into what appears to be a Christmas stocking-box-column. Imagine a sock of cow turds hanging from your fireplace.
3. Even these noble carolers will take a break from their singing to give you a non-melodious present.

What started the production of these? Why are there so many kinds? No, seriously. Somebody figure out and let me know.

AND IN CASE YOU NEEDED TO KNOW!!!!


48 days
til Christmas!
(almost 47! it is 11p)