It's Christmas time at Walmart

And you know what that means. We're rolling out the jolly like we're rolling back prices. Cha-ching! (for instance, that beauty to your left is $12 even baby... what a steal!) When you walk into the store, we're already assaulting you with a gigantic sign that directs you to our "Christmas Shop." Even our sales sheet is covered in red and green already. Don't you just love it? When it comes to Christmas, Walmart isn't screwing around. It's our commercial cash cow. We'll be getting bonuses from this for months. Well, maybe not we... maybe more like the corporate big-wigs. I'm a little wig. Maybe they will pay me for writing about our merchandise? I should propose this at the next afternoon meeting where they make us do the "walmart cheer" in the middle of the store - which has only three purposes:
1. to embarrass its employees
2. to somehow make us a team? (i.e. make us quit)
3. to make us kill ourselves

...That's not so jolly. Anywho! Back to jolly-times.

Now, I think I hyped our Christmas preparedness a little too much. We're not quite ready. We're at about 65% or so. Maybe even 60%. We're missing all of the lights and bigger displays, but the ornaments are out in force. Every year we have a particular set of ornaments I just love; last year it was our "natural" ornaments made out of real wood and acorns... this year is less earthy but without disappointment!

Here they are. A little simple. But I just love how its the basic Christmas "stuff" - we've got our red, green, and no fooling around. But I'm not going to lie... it is one particular ornament that got my eye --->

Something about this little tree.. held together by strings.. I don't know. It tugs at my heart strings! Is that redundant? This is my first blog in a while, have to learn wordplay again.

At Walmart, we know what screams Christmas -- and what poops it. That's right. This year we are offering a wide variety of animals that for some reason poop candy, a perfect stocking stuffer for every kid that thinks pooping is funny (which is EVERY kid):



1. What an upset Reindeer. He knows he shouldn't be pooping out candy while he's supposed to be on the job pulling Santa's sleigh. Don't worry buddy. When Santa retires you into glue, you'll be used to hold together toys.
2. You want poop? We got all kinds of animals that we can make vaguely Christmas. Look at that green monkey in the back? The red cow taking our foreground? He's even pooping into what appears to be a Christmas stocking-box-column. Imagine a sock of cow turds hanging from your fireplace.
3. Even these noble carolers will take a break from their singing to give you a non-melodious present.

What started the production of these? Why are there so many kinds? No, seriously. Somebody figure out and let me know.

AND IN CASE YOU NEEDED TO KNOW!!!!


48 days
til Christmas!
(almost 47! it is 11p)