Hm.

Sometimes life, like Christmas, is never as it seems.

85 days until Christmas (with a thoughtful pause)

Everybody hurts...

Sometimes. Even Santa. I hope you take the last fifteen minutes of today (if you're in the East coast, England + get on it, Central and on you've still got time) to remember what a hard job Santa has. He has to make all of those presents and tell all of the elves what to do. But they just resent him. Those elves, they don't understand his higher calling.

Merry Christmas, friends. Merry Day. Merry life.

86 days until Christmas! ( hang in there, Santa )

Silent night,

Holy night. All was calm.... and then, this was facing you outside: a raccoon ... and he's got your cookies hostage. What do you do? Do you kill him? No. That would not be very Santa like. He's just enjoying in the cheer like you and me. The look on his face tells me he's singing "Deck the halls with bows of holly.... fa-la-la..." and we cannot kill him.

For he, indeed, is just a metaphor for what really lies before us as we enter into the holiday season. He rages inside our body looking for his cookies. This raccoon represents in the fur the anxiety attached to the Christmas season.

Sure, we love the things it brings like singing, ice-skating, arbor decoration, and, most importantly, the gift of love between all mankind. But there is one part of Christmas that we all secretly hate. That part is the shopping and the preparations for everything we later enjoy. Imagine! People start shopping for Christmas on Christmas half-off sales December 26th. What kind of madness would start this? Christmas madness. It is a disease diagnosable by a business demeanor when talking all things Christmas. It is accompanied by an all too detailed "person ---> budget I will spend because I love them this many dollars ---> gift" flow chart. But do not worry my friends. If you suffer from this, you probably have most of your list checked off by now. And I'm sure little Suzie won't know the difference between last year's Paris Hilton fragrance and this year's Just Me, and you did a great job covering up with black permanent marker the red stickers from Walmart that say 1.00. Really, calm down, that raccoon in your soul was having a feast on your stress cookies. Time to relax him with some eggnog of peace.

So, as the days count down, just breathe! You'll make it there and you'll make it through. Everyone will love everything you get them. And if they hate it they will return it without telling you. It'll be okay. Calm the raccoon.

87 days until Christmas!

My fellow Americans...

A mere three days into my endeavors here in becoming the greatest Christmas blog on the blogosphere many of my friends and family have begun to question the sustainability of my project. In a month where it is still too early to already have your Halloween party planned out, how can I really make a Christmas blog last? Well, my friends, my readers, I promise to you with more fortitude than even a presidential candidate that this blog will be up to date until the very day which I write upon. That is, of course, Christmas day.

What will keep this good ship The Jolly Ship afloat is the fact that I am not the only one enraged with the Christmas spirit. There are others that in February, April, and especially July (which any true elf will recall the 25th is famed as "Christmas in July") stop their daily activities and look up to the sky. In that brief moment they will remember the warmth and majesty that is the Christmas season. It will cover them, as it does me, with a peace that remains and a yearning that forces them to check online how long it is until Christmas .

And, of course, there are also those motivated by the business of Christmas. The jollibusiness (jol-li-busi-ness: noun. like agribusiness: if instead of cultivating crops and raising cattle you cultivated fiber optic angels and raised reindeer), if you will. For instance, QVC already has their Christmas shopping available online as well as running specials on the 25th this month as well. They too appreciated the 90 day mark as I did. I would like to highlight for you now the most spectacular of offerings they have already placed on the world wide web:

Santa, a being of all giving and loving, actually here is hollowed out to possess a beautiful scene that will surely be redone in mosaics and wall-hangings all over the world. I suspect even now it is already going to be the trendiest piece to have on your mantel this holiday season. In a zoomed image we can see truly what is occurring here:

Our good friends Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Pluto are all here. They are climbing all over each other for one common goal: the placing of the star on the tree. However, in a deeper sense they are also climbing up towards Santa - - to attain Santa-ness. If only they would be able to be ever-forgiving and giving the same way Santa would. Donald, I'm sure, would not mouth off nearly as often. So, my friends, pull out your credit cards or apply for a new one and get it before it's gone!

This concludes tonight's moment in Christmas. I hope you enjoyed it. Look forward to tomorrow as I continue to raise the bar in my coverage.

Happy Holidays, friends! Remember: a mere Halloween and Thanksgiving are keeping us from blissful joy!

88 days until Christmas!

Ho, ho, ho.. Go Vols!

As you may or may not know, I am a student at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. Due to my three years of giving my tuition money, this year UT decided to give back and help me with my dreams. As though sent from angels to accomplish my goals in this blog, I received in the mail an envelope containing samples of the most beautiful thing I've ever seen: Vol themed Christmas card. Perhaps it is just a coincidence, but I feel like it is the universe working towards my ability to become the most well-respected Christmas blog on Internet. So, without further introduction, let me show you these beauties:

First up: Santa. The ways the power T was worked into this picture are so subtle and beautiful, making Santa and the Volunteers seem at utter peace with the world. Even the kittens and the puppies are happily napping next to eachother; the laws of nature should make them want to kill eachother! Imagine the kitten puppy bloodbath. Yet, Santa's presence, despite his sleeping, overrides their instincts. Maybe Santa was napping when he was supposed to bring our early Christmas gift in the form of victory against Florida last week.

Make no mistake about it: Santa here is saying that the Vols are more important than America. I think if you could add about 2 inches to the frame you would see the American flag burning keeping our Jolliness warm.

I'm not really sure what is going on here. Does someone live in this tree? Why does it need two mailboxes?

Here's Smokey. Larger than life. Scaring the hell out of the little children. He looks majestic like a mighty Sphinx. Hopefully, however, he is not frozen and will not remain here for years to come to be gawked at by tourists.

Nothing says Christmas like birds and holly. I feel like perhaps this was at one point a typical Christmas card. The last bird was holding up his own holly or perhaps a Christmas flag, but someone in the University art department thought, "You know what? This would be even more festive with a giant UT flag." And they were right.

If you could hear this beautiful scene, I feel that one of the birds would be whistling Rocky top and the other Jingle bells at the same time.

I really do not have too much to say about these. I think their beauty speaks more than my words can. Stay tuned for tomorrow's exciting installment!

Good old Rocky top, Rocky top Tennessee.
89 days until Christmas!

Childhood memories.

When I think of my childhood, I remember distinctly the first year we got Internet in my home. It was a tender time in the 1990s when Internet was simple. It was a safe time for children to use Internet unsupervised, and it was fairly easily navigable. Somehow, in my searching for fun on Internet I stumbled upon a website that changed my life, well, okay. It changed what I did when I got online: http://www.billybear4kids.com/

If you haven't been, go check it out. Granted it cannot run with the big boys as far as modern websites go, but when I found it I thought it was the most spectacular thing to hit Internet. Particularly though, I would like to highlight the activities as it pertains to my question here (which is: creating the best online countdown and guide to Christmas).

Billy-Bear's website offers all kinds of Christmas fun.
1. Fantastic Clipart - (ex. see fig 1., top left) While the art is something that could be, and probably was, created in MsPaint there is something said in the simplicity. Perhaps Christmas is not about fantasy artwork one might create in Photoshop. Perhaps it is about the simple craft of doodling a festive holiday walrus with nothing but your heart and your mouse. There is no shading, no idea of 3d or reality. Christmas is not reality either. It is a fantasy land better than the real world.
2. Games - There are plenty of holiday themed games to be had here as well! For instance, I have linked the most challenging game "Save Christmas from the Midnight Mouse." No backstory is given as to why he must be stopped and what his diabolical plans for Christmas are exactly, but as soon as you press the start button you are sent into an intense action experience. You must click the mouse to stop him... otherwise, he will burst through the presents! What, oh, what would you do if on Christmas morning all of your presents were already opened? The mayhem. The madness. The Midnight Mouse.
3. Adoption - One of the most selfless decisions a person can make in their life is to adopt a child and care for it in their home as their own. And then play with it less incase real conception happens, because everyone wants a real baby. This feeling is replicated here on Billy Bear in the form of ornament adoption. For just pennies a day, you can take an ornament into your website/blog/myspace. And it never asks anything of you. The only decision you have to make is where to put it, what color you want, and do you want it to be strung along with others? Perhaps your goodwill towards ornamanity can truly be showcased through the number of ornaments you take in. WOWJA, you might say. What ornament would Jesus Adopt? The answer is every.
4. Employment Options - Say you need some extra cash this Christmas season... well, I have the solution for you. You can help Santa respond to all of his millions and billions of Christmas letters he receives during the Christmas season. Now, I am not sure about the pay rate or how to obtain a w-2 for the next most magical season - tax season -, but I think it may all just come through magic. Magic is what Christmas is based on. Download and put faith into your payment.

More later!

Merry Christmas, friends!

90 days til Christmas!