Like many Christmas wishes..

mine for creating the best blog entry ever was never fulfilled. But that doesn't mean that this isn't a great Christmas blog (just like Christmas isn't ruined over a few absent gifts).

I hope you have had a magical (adjective of the month - get some use out of it. It's nearly January) Christmas season. Let's keep the post-season jolly.

ONLY
365
days
til
Christmas 2010.

Cheers!

So, here's the situation.

I'm really busy. Like crazy busy. But I have a renewed commitment to this blog where I want to keep a count-down all the way up til Christmas. So this is kind of a place marker. It's where all of my funny content would have been if my soul was not being drained out of my body.

This is what Santa would look like

if something sucked his soul out.

So, just to keep you informed:

15 days until Christmas! (I didn't even have the heart to format it in the tradition style.. how sad..)

In this Christmas post, I remind you of the meaning of Christmas

And I'm not talking about baby Jesus. I mean, baby Jesus is the reason for the season. He's the foundation of Christmas [it is Christ-mas, after all]. For sake of seasonal appropriateness, let's pretend we're building a gingerbread house. Jesus is the cardboard/plate that you're standing the house on. Without Jesus, you're just making a tasty mess you probably won't be able to clean off of your kitchen table without some effort.

The gingerbread pieces are the people around you that you care about. Pretend you live inside of a gingerhouse for some reason (I think that makes you a little gingerbread-person). You're in there, chilling out, catching what ever is on your gumdrop tv. It's cold outside, but you don't notice because there are walls that keep the wind from coming in. Life is cold half of the time; your friends, family, etc... that's what keeps you warm.

See all of that icing holding the gingerbread house together? That's the meaning of Christmas. That's love. Sticky, messy love. That's why we come together in the first place. Aside from those awkward situations, that's that makes us get presents for people. Even when Ralphie's aunt got him ridiculous pink bunny pajamas - she did it because she loved him. She also did it, perhaps, because she secretly wanted him to grow up questioning his manhood. That's another story entirely.

And the candy decorations? Well those, my friends, those are the presents, the tree, the blinky-lights, and all other holiday-inspired activities. It would still be a beautiful gingerbread house (Christmas) without them, but boy... it's pretty magical with them.

AND AS ALWAYS.. to conclude.


ONLY

17 days
until
CHRISTMAS!

The Christmas Gang

Here at Walmart, we're looking to supply all of your Christmas needs.

You want to warm your feet with the insides of a reindeer or a snow monster [which seems somehow inappropriate]?









We've got that.


You looking for a gangster puppy dog doll?













For some, ungodly reason... we've got that.

If you're looking to start a holly, jolly gang? We can help you out with that too. For some reason that I cannot really fathom other than that hypothesis.. we are selling Christmas bandannas this year. And they come in three different styles. Possibly so that a city can have up to three competing gangs (a more seasonally appropriate version of The Warriors )












I have a bunch of funny words I could say about these, but I think I'll go back in and add them later. Feeling a little sleepy.

ONLY
21 days
til
CHRISTMAS

The countdown has not been forgotten!

This is a blog entry that is promising a new blog entry tonight. It will be:
a. holly
b. jolly
c. heart-warming
d. all of the above

But just in case you can't count or do simple math...

ONLY
22 Days
TIL
CHRISTMAS!

I find myself eclipsed in my own shadow

When I started this blog last year (you know, before I started posting cute pictures of animals instead of content), I was on point. I was so witty. I don't know if it was because I was working with better material or what... but hats off to me. I was pretty amazing at this. After today (and this post), I am raising the bar as high as my Christmas Raccoon or my very first post about Billy-Bear's 4 Kids.

But right now, I am settling for mediocre funny. Don't look for gems here. I'm still mining them. You're looking at those cheap crystals they put in the watches that come from the claw machines. They sparkle a little, but we all know you only spent 25 cents on it.

So. Here's the topic I am tackling today with a little luster: Holiday Themed Soda. Now, we all know (or at least us soda historians do) that Pepsi Holiday Spice was the first soda to throw down the jolly gauntlet years ago. After Pepsi decided to discontinue that wonderful product, there was a real void left in the season.

That void was filled with Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. It was a conservative drink at first - showing up mysteriously in November. Its packaging didn't look particularly Christmasy. But then it followed with hip advertising, letting us know what it was doing here. I can't find the words to say how much I really love this drink. It's something special and it was something unique on the market. It's done really well for itself - managing to make a return every Christmas season. This success has opened up the market for the holiday soda. On your local grocer's shelves this year you will find 7-up Pomegranate and Canada Dry Cranberry Ginger Ale.

Pomegranate tells me three times on its "NATURAL" derived from "NATURALLY" derived "NATURAL" ingredients. It must be pretty natural. Tastes that way too. It's pretty subtle, I think. You can definitely taste the 7-up under there. Very unlike our hero, C-Splash, which is dominated by its fruit namesake. I don't know if I find anything Christmasy about it, however. I mean... Oceanspray has already unofficially officially proclaimed cranberries to be the fruit of the holidays. Who does Pomegranate think it is?

Speaking of Cranberries... let's not forget Canada Dry. It, too, is a vary subtle drink. It's just barely not normal ginger ale. I really expected more from it. But then again.. they did just keep their normal bottle. I wouldn't be shocked if it is a normal bottle of Ginger Ale with dye added and the label changed. I think in a blind taste test I wouldn't be able to pick it out from the normal. Maybe I am not a ginger ale connoisseur. I'm not a connoisseur of much of anything other than coffee and Christmas. Now a Christmas coffee review.. that's a subject I can get behind.

So ladies and gentlemen.. there you have it. Cranberry Splash is still the number one soda of the holidays, but not the number one drink. I think that title has to go to Eggnog, which is unfair... because it is also the number one reason for heart failure in the Holidays and number one drinkable pudding of the the Holidays. I wanted to buy eggnog, but it is shockingly expensive. A quart from Mayfield? $3.98. I won't even drink half of the damn thing. If I did, I wouldn't make it to Christmas...

SPEAKING OF

32
days
until
CHRISTMAS

Working my way back into blogging...

While waiting for my tires to be changed at Walmart, I took the time to slowly carouse the Christmas department and really ask myself if any of it was reviewable. We've got the standard things you expect in a Walmart Christmas department in the south...

1. Nascar ornaments
2. A whole John Deere Section
3. Titans Ornaments
4. Vols Ornaments
5. Hunter Santa

And, then, somehow there are the things I don't expect.

There is nothing spectacular on surface level about this selection of gift bags. They are actually our cheapest ones. They are made of a brown paper that is only a step or two up from your typical lunch sack.

But somehow, I find them to be incredibly beautiful and incredibly Christmas-y.






This may be my favorite one. Just look at nature communing as one in the name of Christmas. I love the earthiness of this bag. Although.. on a humorous note, I have to say that what I like most about it is that all of the animals in it look ashamed or pissed. Check out that deer and his far away stare. He's thinking - I better get an extra itouch for letting these damn birds climb all over me (is that what deer dream of? I haven't read a deer amazon wish list). That white bunny is sadly looking down at his paws as though he stole his winter accessories from the body of a frozen rabbit, less lucky than he.




So if you get a present from me.. you might get it inside of these bags. If I don't start getting more hours at the wonderful walmart.. your present may be one of these bags. Sorry. But at least if you get the reviewed bag- I will include with it a short story explaining what lead to this animal snapshot and all that happened post. I may do that anyway.

Coming up... A review of a disturbing new toy I uncovered: The Puptini.

SO ... a mere...

33 days
TIL CHRISTMAS